I have always been an introspective person. After receving a mental health diagnoses of complex post-traumatic stress disorder (cPTSD) and also being on the Autism spectrum I have come to appreciate my reflective nature. Not just that, but I’m driven to engage with people I trust and respect in conversations that are an extra notch deeper. Here's one reflection:
Calm Energy
Several years ago, I was talking with a friend who is a highly experienced therapist. It was not therapy, but two friends engaging in an honest interchange about life and our experiences. At some point he gave me a gift — he said that it was easy to talk with me, and that I was able to listen without judgment and ask questions that were "right and helpful." He said that he felt relaxed in our conversation and did not feel pressured.
It reminded me of feedback I received several years ago from an acquaintance, who I think was not necessarily endeavoring to be kind. She said she would never hire me as a coach, because she would want someone who would “shake her up” and make her uncomfortable. She then proceeded to say that I have a calm energy that makes people feel at ease. She said she understood how people felt so comfortable being who they are around me, but that's not what she would look for in a coach. Wow!
That conversation reminded me that this is who I am. I want people to be comfortable working with me and free to receive acceptance from another human being. I want them to feel comfortable and safe, so that they can open up and become more comfortable with who they are.
I want people in my life – family, friends, business colleagues and clients – to know that I accept them and that when they are with me, I am present, unjudging, and that I want them to belong. I want them to be better, do better, and grow. I strive to bring out their long-lasting, inner motivation, not something imposed by outer pressure.
Strengths
In my work as an executive coach and advisor, I believe in focusing on a person's strengths. I want them to be proud of what they bring to themselves, those around them, and the world at large. If we can see and build on our strengths, our lives can improve. By accepting who we are and addressing the areas where we want to grow, we can achieve a greater sense of freedom and comfort in our lives.
I use a wonderful instrument, BestWork, that helps people see their strengths from an objective, unbiased perspective. In nearly every case, when people complete this online instrument, they suddenly see themselves in a deep and authentic way. Not only unencumbered by any baggage they carry, but with the strengths they were unaware of on full display.
I appreciate this for my own strengths as you can see here in this excerpt:
Confidence & Optimism for Our Future.
A couple of weeks ago, a highly insightful and trusted friend with a strong business background and keen insights into people totally blew me away. She said that she’s impressed with my self-confidence, that she doesn’t see that in a lot of people.
The reality is that I have just as many self-doubts as any other human being on this planet, if not more. Baked into me from my Autism and then intensified by my cPTSD is an ongoing inner dialogue. “How do I connect, how do I belong, am I doing things right, am I good enough, am I enough, what if I don't, what if I do, will people accept me, will people like me, can I really live out my values, what if I don't, what if I do, am I learning, am I moving forward, what if I don't, what if I do???”
I dare say I'm as shaky in my self-confidence as anyone else on this planet. And I just don't know. But. . .
Somehow, somewhere, for some reason, I have immense confidence in the future. This moment, right here and right now, might be awkward, hard, uncomfortable, uncertain, confusing – but I have an innate sense of optimism about the future.
How about you? Are you focused on your strengths? Do you have confidence to lead to whatever is next?
“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” – Hellen Keller